Archive for February, 2006
Purple RAGE
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
I never thought I would post something in the Purple Potamus related category again, but some comments by an ex-Purple Potamus manager were made. He also showed me this Gazette.net article where they predicted the downfall of western society through the rental patterns at Purple Potamus. Basically he confirmed what I had written about, old men renting porn and generally raising hell.
This comment prompted me to look online and see just where I was standing in the google results for purple potamus (brad.readordie.org was #3 as of the writing of this).
I also found the website of a man. A man on a mission.
He was mad as hell about the potamus and he wasn’t going to take it anymore. Just look at this. Then look at this. Wow, this guy is fired up. Who knew local porn slinging video stores could inspire such fury? That’s just the kind of reaction the potamus is capable of setting off in people.
A Dream Realized
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
During what experts are already labeling “one of history’s most boring and meaningless (and yet one of the most widely viewed) superbowls in the modern history of man” I realized a dream. I bore witness to a competitive eating event in person between two people I knew. At halftime of the game 2 gladiators squared off, one wearing a lucha-libre mask, the other with the bare flesh of his skull exposed. Crouched on opposing sides of a folding card table that threatened to buckle under the sheer weight of the event, they waited. 40 McDonalds chicken McNuggets (wrought from the heart of the chicken’s natural nugget) were waiting to be consumed by each man. Time was started.
5 minutes to glory.
The rest of my memory is pretty spotty because I was laughing so hard tears stained my shirt like the greasy casings of those nuggets stained the shirts of the competitors. In the end neither man finished all 40, but the sight of two grown men shoveling processed chicken “extras” into their maws was worth a thousand boring superbowls.
There is no photographic evidence of this event because a blast of sheer awesomeness reduced all cameras within 100 miles to ash, and every spectator became a pillar of salt in the shape of a double-necked guitar.
A child was born that day from that awesomeness. We named that child Hope Liberty McFreedompants. She was taken to be raised by the remaining nuggets with a promise that she would one day return to rock faces on a global scale.
God bless America.
I lied here is a picture:
